i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
