do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found your dick twin last night
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
