WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
