How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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