Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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