ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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