Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
