i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
