I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
