Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
