What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
