JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
