He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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