I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
