Someone shit on the floor
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
