i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
