Dual....:-)
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
