His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
