Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
