i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
