You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
