I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
