my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
