You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
