Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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