We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
