Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
