Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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