This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
