Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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