Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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