2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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