There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
