i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
