I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
