OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
