I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
