I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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