Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
