i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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