I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You ruined the universe
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
