He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
