You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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