Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
