ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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