why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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