We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
