Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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