cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
