i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
