I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
40s are totally the cure
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
