I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
